Playing ‘Mama’

One night, D dragged one of his stuffed toys, plonked it in his lap and started patting it vigorously. “What are you doing?” I asked. “He is my baby. I am putting him to sleep. He is sleepy naaaa,” he said in a slow drawl, a new way of talking he had mastered.

After the whole pantomime of putting to sleep (read thrashing), D picked up the poor toy and promptly planted a kiss on its lips. “So who are you? The baby’s Papa?” I enquired.

“No, I am his Mama naaaaaa,” the drawl is back.

D had never played with stuffed toys before, though he has several, most of them gifts. I had seen my nieces play Mama to their toys. This was the first time D had done it. My mind made a quick note that he had said ‘Mama’ and not ‘Papa’.

I was happy that D was already oriented into a culture that whenever he fathered children, he should be okay with playing a mother too once in a while.

The world is a nice place, at least in our house. D enjoys playing with ‘boy’ as well ‘girl’ stuff. He loves to play with a range of kitchen paraphernalia. The cooker, the ladles, the spoons, the rolling pin, the mixer, all separately and together, often form a part of his makeshift toys. Relatives and friends have gifted him kitchen sets and he often spends time making idlis, veggies, sheera or tea in them. We are all invited to partake of the feast.

I have never wondered why he chooses to play with items considered as the erstwhile ‘girls’ toys’. Most of his cousin brothers too love playing with kitchen items. That does not mean they don’t enjoy automobiles or what is termed as ‘boy stuff.’ D loves his cement mixers, Lorries, fire engines, Nanos, aeroplanes and helicopters as much as he adores the kitchen gear.

I believe I could safely say that D gets this from his genes.

In the five years of our relationship, the husband and I have never done things because ‘women are supposed to this’ or ‘men are supposed to do this.’ The husband contributes to several household chores just as I help plan our finances (except that the husband takes the ‘planning finances’ part a little more seriously because I suck at it and I take the chores part a bit more seriously because he does not perform exceptionally well there)

He has never been chivalrous to me. The only time he has ever opened the car door for me was when it was child locked and I was trapped inside. The only time he has pulled a chair for me was when it was stuck and I couldn't pull it out by myself.

But seriously, I love it that way. Is chivalry really needed in a man-woman relationship if there is enough respect, space and love, necessarily in that order?

I really want D to be like his father. I want him to understand that it is okay to not be chivalrous as long as he knows how to respect people. I want him to understand that he should know how to cook, clean, mop or swab as much as he knows how to earn money, drive a car, ride a bike or guzzle a beer.

I want him to know how to play Mama when the time comes so the real Mama gets to enjoy some moments for herself.

I want him to understand all of this and more.

Just like his father does!